31082004 pre-JST

And its just half a day more before i fly off to Brunei for JST, go figure. I feel superbly unprepared, mostly cause i've learnt to take army life with less stress nowadays. Somehow there's no need to do a check and a recheck and a rerecheck on all my equipment anymore. Somehow, there's no need to wake at all the right times and ensure everyone's doing the right thing all the time anymore. But as much as i'd like to dump all the work away, i still keep many responsibilities, perhaps subconsciously.
Just watched 36 episodes of yi tian tu long ji... i bought the DVDs =) wooohooo... i watched all the way from last night 11+ till today 2+ and going to continue in a moment.

21082004 casual liaisons.

And he intends to revert back to courting casual liaisons thereafter. Why do people pursue things that don't satisfy? Why are they content being entrapped in their cycles of illusion?
Sometimes this endless cycles of illusion bring a short sense of joy to the lost. And this short-lived joy is enough for him to carry on living. Like druggies, who know they are ruining their lives by taking drugs, but still carry on nonetheless because that's all they have to live for. Perhaps something has occurred in their lives that has made them lose hope, or perhaps it is just an excuse they use to cover up their insecurity. Their need for someone to care for and to be cared for.

14082004

Can i really love anymore? Does mutual love truly exist? Perhaps most people get plagued by questions like this some point in their life, and for me, it's one time too many. my fourth relationship. fourth. ended just 4 months and 5 days after it started... The first one lasted 3 years, the second, one and half third, two years, and this one... but then again, it was my fault for going on a kinda rebound cause my heart was shattered. selfish jerk. the chinese have a saying that bad things don't come alone, and true as that adage is, i was stopped from being promoted, and stopped from going to iraq. both opportunities of a lifetime. then again, life has been more than fair to me in many other ways, so who am I to complain? Less a few break ups and hicc-ups, life's been a breeze so far. it flew by me so fast tt i'm 20 this year. no longer a teen in 3 months and 5 days. but one irony is tt they don't allow us 20 year olds to make our own life choices as we're not fully adults, but they expect us to be fully aware of our decisions and actions, and will not hesitate to convict us if we make a mistake. hmmm maybe it isn't an irony. maybe i'm just unhappy about not being able to be in full control of my life. but heck it, in a few years i'll be longing for that shelter and protection that was was omnipresent in my life.